Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?

inner-logo“All I want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?”

(My Fair Lady – Wouldn’t It Be Loverly? Lyrics ‘ MetroLyrics)

Yes, quite loverly. And even lovelier is when we can access that as an inner room, far away from the responsibilities, worries and hurts of life, resting in the full support of our inner connection with God/Universe/Source.

Like many things, this dynamic is both simpler and more complex than it may seem at first. It is simpler because, well, where is that place? It lies in “surrendering to what is”.

As hard as it may be to surrender, it certainly is simple. We simply let go. Yes, simple, not complicated, but the hardest thing to do. We can allow ourselves to move into Trust that all will unfold in the perfect way for our Soul’s growth, regardless of whether our personality believes that or not. Even when we think we can’t, we can.

And it may be more complex because surrender without Trust looks more like giving up. Surrender without the “chopping the wood and carrying the water” that Ram Das used to talk about, is a deadened state.

We want to surrender with our aliveness intact, alert, paying attention each moment, or we lose that feeling of comforting support from our Divine connection.

Sometimes, when life feels like too much, I want everyone to just go away and leave me alone, in my enormous chair in a cozy room, all by myself, no worries, no cares, no responsibilities to anyone else.

And yet, I can see, when I’m having that feeling, I am not home at all. I’m in the future or in the past; I’m in judgment or fear of how things are unfolding in my life, or in the life of someone I love.

Sleeping Angel
Last night, while I was sleeping, I was aware I was problem-solving. When I awoke, I consciously felt into my subconscious mind where all those worries were. I allowed them all to fall away; I allowed my worries to evaporate up and out through the surface of the pond of my depth of being; I allowed my Self to feel the incredible lightness of Being, no longer weighed down by the fears of my mind.

In this blissful, nurtured state, I asked for healing for my physical challenges. “Healer, heal thyself,” I said.

Upon arising, I made my way into the kitchen where company had assembled. I’m not sure what I said that triggered it, but suddenly I found myself being attacked, oops, I mean “helped”, uninvited, by my beloved friends.

I did my best to hear truth in what they were saying, to let my resistance melt, just noticing I felt like I’d walked into a minefield. I did my best to stay out of being defensive.

They were both sure they knew how I needed to act to get the results I wanted, for a situation with which they’d had no experience. I felt ganged up on, judged, above all, not seen. I felt they were saying I’d been “bad.” I saw they were seeing through the filter of their own “stuff, possibly telling me more about themselves than about me.Questioning Star
Will the real Truth please stand up?

And yet, I couldn’t know for sure if my feelings were true either. After all, I found myself in a familiar place, feeling “I’m bad.” Who amongst us doesn’t have, hidden away, some version of feeling you’re bad, wrong or not enough? That familiar feeing is like a little red flag waving around, “Look over here.”

The real clincher for me that I couldn’t ignore was that before I arose, I had asked for help for my physical healing. Was this that help? Was it the truth? Was that why it was so hard to hear and why I felt so resistant?

At some point in my life I had learned to recognize resistance. (What? What resistance?) The give-away sign is I find myself saying “but” and wanting to explain, instead of just listening.

When I notice resistance, then I pay special attention, because maybe there’s some important truth here. I’m trying to piece together what they’d said. Can I take away some truths?

That they were telling me more about themselves than they were aware of is important in this process. Meaning I do want to take it all with a little grain of salt, even as I sift through their words for the gems of truth.

Ultimately of course, for you too, it always has to be you who determines what rings true and what doesn’t, even if it comes from a respected source. To remember to take the time to stop, to stop and feel what resonates as truth within you, that is honoring yourself, giving yourself the respect we sometimes only give to others.

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